I Have Big Goals And I Have Rules For It's Success| 367 Days To Go...
THE RULES FOR MIGHTY MAY
Hello, my rule breakers!
Success is a subjective term, for me, it means achieving what I told myself to achieve. For you, it might be different. But one thing is for sure. The idea looks perfect in the beginning but as we go deep into the trenches, our brain starts to freak us out. I know this as I have been here, almost every month. So this time, I have given myself some rules and today I want to share the same with you.
But before I do that, I wanted to share how I came up with these. Last Sunday, I and Mr. Hanson were talking about my goals. I was, as always sounding desperate to see my work in completion. I told him it is sad that all I talk about is getting things done and not about moving forward with other things. I do it for a few weeks, get 5 steps forward then somewhere down the line, I stop the work, take 10 steps back. Sometimes the reason is my health and other times the stresses of life. So he and I went on a tangent to see how can I actually do the things I want to do. I thought about making an exit strategy for that moment when things are not working. I wrote about that yesterday - How I work when nothing works| 368 days to go.
Digging for the reasons that stop my growth mid-way, we realized that a big part is this— I will be working & something or someone will come into my vicinity due to which I will take a break for a day or two. Then I will take a break for a day or two for my brain. Then I will slowly feel like it’s too late so why even bother about it?
Did you get it? It is my brain asking me to stop before I fail. Aha, the fear of failure strikes again like always. Tell me if you recognize this theme in your life. Maybe it is a bit different but I bet your brain is also doing these tricks to “keep you safe“ from any harm.
These are the final rules -
Follow Curiosity
The secret of following curiosity while setting goals, getting up in the morning to work on those goals, and sitting down at a desk to actually work is if you just follow the curiosity then there is no failure. You can not keep curiosity on a scale, can’t measure it so you can not fail at it. PERFECT!
I thank Mr. Hanson for this.
He is the only person I know who is really dedicated to his craft. He can sit for hours to work and he thoroughly enjoys the process. I always wanted to be like that and now I get to say that I want to be more like my husband. We discussed how he is that focused and can work without worrying about the results. He said he is just curious about things.
Wow! Guess what? Being curious is one of my top 5 values in life. But I forget it while living hard moments so following my curiosity is my rule. Heck, I feel thrilled.
Were you or were you not curious as a kid? What was that energy like? Is there something you can be curious about right now and just follow that curiosity without any frills being attacked?
Ask For Help
Oh, I know how hard it is to say I need help. We march our asses to the hard acts and we want to feel like we did it all by ourselves and we forget we actually thrive in the community.
Sometimes we do not have that community and in that case, it is important to build one. And how does that happen? Asking for help & following your curiosity. This was also one of the things to do when nothing works and It is also a rule for me because I suck at asking for help.
But without this there is nothing. There have been so many times when I have found myself deep in misery. What helped was picking up my call and calling my friends. When I found out that my ex-husband was cheating on me for years, I called my best friends and they walked me through that situation as I was numb & clueless. I did not know how to think and they thought for me. I am so glad about that as today I am happy & amazed at how beautiful life can be.
Okay so I digressed a bit but the point is still solid. Asking for help is crucial. You do not need to do it all alone. I now have this as a rule. Do you think you can ask for help? List names of a few people that can help you — keep my name there. I promise you, I am here.
Do Not Play Small
The dictionary meaning is playing small is, to avoid risks and actions that might cause problems or make you feel uncomfortable, with the result that you might not achieve what you want to achieve.
Today it is all over the internet to not do the hard things and not work towards those actual dreams that you have. I love my mental health and I am an advocate for this but I do not agree that not doing the hard things is the solution to awesome mental health. It is like hiding in plain sight with eyes closed. There is something you want to go after but there is a voice in your head sending fear signals? It is the flight or fights response. Recognize that, see how can actually do the work, and after that, if you really think you still want to after it then go for it. Why not?
I have always wanted to be a writer. As a child, I was writing on the walls of our first house, then I was typing on our calculator and acting like I was some big-time writer. I have achieved no success as a writer in the last 10 years of my writing. My English needs a lot of improvement. I don’t know how to promote my work. In the last 10 years, many times I played small, telling myself that I don’t have what it takes. Not anymore. This is the time to be that writer I was dreaming of when I was typing on that calculator. I am not paying small anymore. I will learn the things I need to learn along the way — how to write better, how to promote my work, and how to be the one I am in my head.
Are you playing small too? Please dig deep in yourself and do the things that you are keeping off as they as hard. Maybe you want a life partner but you won’t shut that part of your brain that is telling you that you will be dealt a bad hand again. Maybe your boss is a jerk and does not want you to succeed so you dim your lights. I have been in both situations and have succeeded only by dreaming big and doing scary things.
Enjoy Small Moments of Life
What is the fun in achieving success for the future when we missed life in the moment? So many years of my life have been spent looking towards the future. I miss the moments that are right here, right now in front of me. Like right now as I am writing this, a bird came & pecked at my window. I looked and smiled and was ready to ignore this but no, when enjoying the small moments is in the forefront of my mind then how can I ignore this beautiful creature that has come to say hello? I got up and put some sunflower seeds on the bird feeder on my balcony. Strange it took me 3 months to realize there was a bird feeder. And now, I am waiting for these lovely birds to find their way here.
These small moments look so damn small. Duh! But aren’t these small moments that actually make us joyous? That first ray of sunlight, catching a smile in the mirror, missing a step while walking, a wonderful old song, a picture, a silly joke, a children’s smile, birds, animals, and so much more.
Share with me some of your magic moments. Will you?
In conclusion, there need to be some rules for our own success. As success is personal to all of us, the rules should be as well. Rules I have set for myself are to follow my curiosity, ask for help, not play small & enjoying small moments of life. You can take mine and tweak those as you wish or you can create all new for you but let us not through a towel at our dreams.
If you found this post helpful, please share it with your community. Let's help each other in our journey toward achieving our dreams. Share your thoughts and your own rules for success in the comments below.
These are wonderful rules! I don't really set a goal or rule per se with my Substack for the reason that my health is so unpredictable. However, if something makes my life easier to write, I implement it. For instance "do things together" has sometimes allowed me to write a few of my newsletters. I wanted to write a review, so I needed to watch a movie, and what better way to experience it than with my husband. So we did. And it was great. And I wrote about it while it was fresher in my mind.
I have had perfectionist paralysis. If I can’t do it perfectly, I don’t want to do it at all. I think I don’t do that as much as I used to.
Taking action of some kind makes me feel more useful and happy with myself and my life.